


When Love Steals In

by lotusk



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Awkward Joonmyun, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Oops my bad Joonmyun is two years older not three why am I lame?, Piggyback Rides, Pining, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Side Chanhun, Sleepy Cuddles, bffs chanho, bffs sekai, blind dates au except with other people, girl!Chanyeol, girl!Suho, girl!kyungsoo, het!sukai, just lots of cuddles, noona romance sort of, roommates au, shy Joonmyun, soju-soaked confessions, sort of makeover au?, well there's a three year gap anyway does that count?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 09:43:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6324316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotusk/pseuds/lotusk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jongin's shy, older roommate Joonmyun asks him to set her up on blind dates, he realizes that he wants to be the only guy she dates. Joonmyun’s younger brother Sehun and her best friend girl!Chanyeol try to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Love Steals In

**Author's Note:**

> Written for girl exo exchange 2014.
> 
> Many thanks to Bunny who offered to beta this even though I finished the fic so late. To all my girls who kept me focused and listened to me whine: Jenni, Cass, Shanti & Ansa, I love y’all so much! Finally, a note of appreciation for two of my favorite noona romance kdramas, which were invaluable sources of inspiration: _The Woman Who Still Wanted to Marry_ and _King of High School_.

One crumpled, tear-stained tissue joins the growing mound of discarded ones on the floor, and Joonmyun thinks she is almost out of tears. She thinks. She hopes. She's ready to get past the heartbreak and move on to the I-want-to-burn-everything-he-owns stage, but Joonmyun suspects she's too wishy-washy to ever attain that state of righteous anger. At this point, she'd happily settle for not feeling like her heart's just been run over by a truck.

She's reaching for another tissue from the mostly empty box on her bed stand when she hears a tentative knock.

"Can I come in?" The voice is deep and masculine and comfortingly familiar.

"No!" But Joonmyun's _no_ doesn't sound even remotely convincing.

"Can I come in anyway?" There's no pressure or expectation in the question and Jongin's always been able to make her laugh. Maybe it's a good idea after all, to not be on her own right now - just weeping and drowning in self-pity and building a skyscraper of tissues.

"You're not allowed to ask nosey questions," Joonmyun managed to get out in between sniffles.

"I wasn't going to, Joonmyun."

"When are you going to start calling me noona? We've known each other for two years now, don't you think it's time?"

"I'm not _ever_ calling you noona so you can stop asking me when. Can I come in now?"

"Fine. But no nosey questions."

There's a click as the doorknob turns and a tall, broad-shouldered young man lets himself in - pushing the door shut behind him. Jongin's face is one she's seen almost every day for the past two years. And as upset as she's feeling right now, it calms her to see his gentle brown eyes and almost smile.

When Joonmyun and her brother Sehun had found this apartment, he'd asked his friend from university to move in so they could split the rent three ways instead of two. And that was how Jongin had become their roommate.

"Oh Joonmyun." The husky voice wraps itself around her like a warm blanket. She's always liked the way Jongin's voice sounds, the way it makes her feel safe.

"Don't you _oh Joonmyun_ me. Don't you dare feel sorry for me!"

"Move over," Jongin says quietly and she shifts closer to the wall so he can stretch his long, lean body beside hers. It's a queen-sized bed and they've been friends long enough that there's nothing weird about this - it's not even the first time it's happened.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"That's a nosey question."

"Not exactly? I prefer to think of it as a show of concern for a friend."

"Okay, okay stop twisting my arm already," Joonmyun grumbles and rests her cheek on his chest, while his arm settles around her shoulders. It's ... comforting. It's like being wrapped in a feather down quilt, and Joonmyun's heart feels just a little bit lighter as she relaxes into her friend's embrace.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he says.

But she does anyway.

•••-------•••

"Don't you think it's time you did something other than watch weepy dramas in your room?" Jongin's standing in the doorway in the raglan tee Joonmyun had given him last Christmas - the gray one with the maroon sleeves that looks so good against his tanned skin. She looks at her Totoro pajama pants and ratty peach sweatshirt and gives an inward sigh, relieved that Jongin is _just a dongsaeng_ who's not likely to judge her undeniably sloppy outfit.

"I like watching weepy dramas. Also, this isn't just _any_ weepy drama, Jongin. This is _49 days_."

"Isn't that the one where everyone dies?" He rolls his eyes.

"How do you even know this? You don't even watch dramas!" She gives him a suspicious, accusing look and flings a cushion at him which he catches with ease. "Also, spoiler much?"

"Please, I have an umma and two noonas. Even if I didn't watch dramas while I lived at home, I still _watched_ dramas via osmosis. And I can tell you that this is not a drama you should be watching when you're already feeling blue. And it's not a spoiler - as far as I'm concerned, everyone dies in melodramas. It doesn't matter which one."

"That's the worst case of over generalizing ever. Everyone could be alive and happy at the end of _49 days_!" Joonmyun protests and Jongin snorts in disbelief.

"But Joonmyun, watch something happier. You've been miserable for six weeks."

"What happy drama should I watch then?" She asks, pointedly avoiding the fact that she's been moping around for weeks.

"I watched bits and pieces of _Sungkyunkwan Scandal_ and it looked like fun."

"It's sageuk though," Joonmyun wrinkles her nose, "and those stupid hats and Joseon robes. Call me old fashioned but I like seeing guys in pants?"

"Good looking guys though. Bromance and an interesting plot and funny too - I'm totally quoting my noona but she seemed to really like it?"

"I'm still not sure because men in dresses."

"Would it make a difference if you had company?"

"Probably. If I had someone to rant to about how stupid Yoochun looks in pink robes and an ugly hat it might help."

Jongin chuckles and says he's got the rest of the afternoon off. Grinning, Joonmyun moves closer to the wall so Jongin can stretch his legs out beside her, and puts some popcorn in her mouth as he sets up episode 1 on her laptop. They sit quietly through the opening sequence with the bowl of popcorn perched on Joonmyun's lap, and the camera focuses on Park Minyoung as she walks briskly through the streets dressed as a Joseon era man. In a dress.

"Park Minyoung doesn't look anything like a man. How could anyone not see that she's a woman? Also the costumes are hid-" Joonmyun begins to say and Jongin puts an index finger to her lips.

"Shhhh with the costume assassination ... Give the characters and the story a chance." Jongin winks and withdraws his finger, and helps himself to some popcorn. Joonmyun is just a little bit shaken because Jongin's never touched her mouth before. But when she turns to look at Jongin, his attention is focused entirely on the screen - he doesn't seem to have been affected at all so Joonmyun tells herself she's just over reacting and resumes watching the drama ... and gasps.

"What?"

"Song Joongki is so handsome!"

"He's wearing a pink dress," Jongin snorted.

"He's working it." Joonmyun whacks his shoulder with her hand, then pushes her glasses further up her nose - eyes fixed on the ethereally handsome figure on the screen.

_You are totally a woman._

"Oh my God, he can tell she's a woman! I told you! Song Joongki is brilliant! Okay you've convinced me. We're watching this drama."

"Look, he's explaining that she's totally a woman because she writes so beautifully. He can't actually tell she's a wo-"

"I don't even care, Kim Jongin." And this time it's Joonmyun who puts her finger to Jongin's lips, silencing him.

•••-------•••

They end up watching two episodes of _Sungkyunkwan Scandal_ in a row, both well and truly hooked even though neither is willing to admit it. It's twilight and the room is bathed in shadows but no one has made any move to switch on the lights. The long empty popcorn bowl sits on Jongin's lap while Joonmyun's head rests on his shoulder.

"What do you feel like eating?" Jongin asks.

"I don't care. Just get me whatever you're having." Joonmyun tries her best to sound nonchalant and hopes she succeeds.

"Let's go together. It'd be good for you to get out of the apartment for something other than lectures and tutorials."

"But then I'd have to change out of my Totoro pajamas," Joonmyun grumbles.

He tempts her with mouthwatering descriptions of jjambong, of succulent prawns and shiitake mushrooms, mussels and squid and delicious, spicy red broth he knows Joonmyun can't resist. But she tries to resist because she really doesn't feel like leaving the safety of the apartment and possibly bumping into friends who know about her breakup with Baekhyun, and who might ask awkward questions she has no wish to answer. So she tells Jongin no.

"You love jjambong."

"I do."

"You know it's best eaten at the shop. The noodles will be perfect. And the seafood is always fresh and we can have some soju. You look like you could use a drink."

"My Totoro pajamas are too comfortable. I don't want to change out of them. And my hair is a mess."

But they leave the apartment twenty minutes later anyway, Joonmyun's long, straight black hair subdued in a hastily gathered ponytail. She's wearing gray workout pants and a mostly shapeless plum colored knit sweater. She should probably buy some leggings and jeans (that aren't 5 years out of fashion) and some nice tops and skirts and maybe even a dress, but it all seems like way too much effort when she doesn't even plan on leaving the apartment for the next 7 years.

If Jongin disapproves of her anything but stylish outfit, he doesn’t say a word about it or ask her to change into something more feminine and more fashionable like Baekhyun would have done. But then Jongin probably doesn’t see Joonmyun as a woman. She’s just a friend and a roommate and a friend’s older sister. A noona he won’t even call noona.

The jjambong is heavenly and it’s warm and cosy in the restaurant and the air is thick with the aroma of spicy seafood broth and animated conversation. Joonmyun and Jongin have been dissecting what they’ve seen of _Sungkyunkwan Scandal_ so far and it’s been fun and Joonmyun’s head is buzzing from the one and a half bottles of soju she’s drunk.

“Jongin?”

"Yes?" He's had just as much soju as her but he seems to be a lot more sober than her.

“Why won’t you call me noona?” She glares at him, her eyes ever so slightly out of focus. When did Jongin get so handsome? Why hasn’t she ever noticed before how handsome he is? He's _just_ Jongin, she supposes. _But why is he so handsome_?

“I just won’t and I never will so stop asking,” Jongin laughs and it sounds like dark chocolate, which doesn't make sense at all because chocolate doesn't sound like anything, does it? The soju must be doing something to her ears and she shakes her head slightly.

“Joonmyun, don’t you think it’s time you moved on? It’s been six weeks. And I mean I never said anything at the time but Byun Baekhyun is a bit of a dick.”

"Why didn't you say something?!"

"You're an adult. It wasn't my business to say anything and you wouldn't have listened anyway!" Jongin says dryly.

"Well, you're probably right. But you know why he broke up with me?" Joonmyun waves her soju bottle a little and the clear liquid sloshes around energetically.

"Are you sure you want to be telling me when you're not quite sober?"

"Who says I'm not sober?!" She protests defensively.

"I ... never mind."

"So anyway, he said things were over between us because I was, and I quote, _too uptight_! And he was upset because I didn't want to have sex with h-"

"Shush, Joonmyun," Jongin hisses and his palm swiftly covers her mouth before she can spill any more secrets in a busy noodle shop. And for one crazy second, Joonmyun has a strong and inexplicable urge to stick her tongue out and taste the skin pressed against her lips. It has to be the soju making her stupid. And it's probably the soju, too, that makes her do the next thing.

Determinedly, she bangs the bottle down and grabs his hand, removing it from her mouth. She pins both his hands on the table so he can't shut her up again.

"I mean it's not like I wouldn't have ... eventually. Probably. Okay ... maybe. But I wasn't ready and he hated that and he just didn't want to wait anymore. You know he's dating someone new now? Some sophomore called Kyungsoo. He didn't even wait two weeks, Jongin! That's how much he didn't care about me."

"Like I said, Byun Baekhyun is a dick and I'm glad he was too stupid to see what he had, because you're better off without him."

"Better off? I don't know if hiding in my room qualifies as being better off. He also thinks I'm a slob. I spent most of today in Totoro pajamas so I guess he has a point?"

"Clothes aren't important, Joonmyun."

"Then why do I feel like I'm not enough because I have no sense of style?"

"You're more than enough, Joonmyun. You're a beautiful person. And I'm not just saying that to make you feel better."

"Why don't I feel beautiful?" Joonmyun says sadly as a thick wave of self -pity washes over her.

"You _are_. In every way that counts, you are beautiful." Jongin turns his palms up so he can grip her hands tightly in his. They're dry and warm and they make her feel safe.

"Make me beautiful, Jongin. I need to believe that I can be. I just can't see it."

"You already are, trust me. But if it will make it easier for you to see, we can get you a few new outfits. You could get a new hairstyle?"

"Make up? I could learn how to use makeup?" After all, she only ever wears lipstick. She might even look glamorous with some makeup. She likes that idea.

"No! You don't need makeup!" Jongin looks genuinely horrified, "You look perfect as you are Joonmyun; you don't need to mess with that."

"But I could look better!" She insists stubbornly as she pulls one of her hands away and reaches for her soju.

"I think you've had enough to drink." Jongin removes the bottle despite Joonmyun's protests.

"Just one more sip?" Her words are slurring a little bit.

"NO."

"But I really like soju!"

"I think we've established that, Joonmyun."

"Noona! You're supposed to call me noona," she frowns at him as fiercely as she can, given her current level of inebriation. She can still feel her cheeks though. They haven't gone numb yet so that's a good sign.

"Never!" Jongin says, chuckling. "So tomorrow we'll go shopping. I don't think you need to dress any differently but if you think it'll help, we'll get you some new clothes. I just want you out of your pajamas before dinnertime."

"That's unnecessarily sarcastic!"

"But accurate. I really think it's time you moved on, Joonmyun. I know you like hanging out in your pajamas and weeping over dramas but there are things you used to enjoy ... before Baekhyun and you broke up. You used to like going for movies - when was the last time you went for a movie at the cinema? Bookstores! You love sitting in bookstores and touching the pages and smelling the ink. Don't give me that weird look - you told me that once when we went to a bookstore together. You like cycling by the lake. Browsing in Manga lending libraries. Visiting museums. All these things require getting out of your pajamas and walking out the front door."

"Huh. I didn't even know you paid that much attention to what I did."

"I'm very observant. Also I'm worried about you. Even Sehun is worried about you and you know how self-absorbed he is."

"Sehun? He never said a word to me about it."

"You're his noona. You're supposed to be the strong one. You're the one who's supposed to tell him to snap out of a funk - not the other way round."

"That brat! He could show he cares once in a while and ask me how I am," she snaps and adds a second, emphatic _brat!_ for good measure.

"The important thing is he does care - even if he's too much of a guy to show it."

"Do you care?"

"Do you actually have to ask? I watched a kdrama with you, the horror. And a sageuk, no less. And I dragged you out for jjambong and soju when I could have let you wallow in misery and cry alone over _49 days._ "

"That would have sounded so much more sincere minus the sarcasm." Joonmyun rolls her eyes but deep inside, her heart does feel warm all over because she knows Jongin cares. He always has.

•••-------•••

"I can walk!" Joonmyun's voice sounds loud in the still of the night. There are people walking on the street and a few cars passing by, but there's a general quiet outside the noodle shop.

"You don't look so ... steady." Jongin shakes his head.

"I am a rock! That's how steady I am," she smiles just before she trips on a crack in the pavement and tips forward. Jongin manages to catch her around the waist just in time.

"Climb on." Jongin's voice is firm as he lowers his back and bends his knees so she can get on. Grumbling, she straddles his waist and loops her arms around his shoulders while he hooks his arms under her thighs and straightens.

“I just want to make it clear ... that I can walk,” Joonmyun’s mouth is so close to Jongin’s ear that the hot breath tickles it; and for one brief second, she isn’t just his best friend’s older sister or his roommate. She’s just _a girl_ … one who’s precious and real and smells nice.

Her hair smells of pomegranates; Jongin knows this because he’s seen the opaque red bottle of pomegranate shampoo on the glass shelf of the bathroom he shares with Joonmyun and Sehun. It’s not the first time he’s smelt her hair, or her for that matter, but everything seems more intense today. It must be a combination of the soju and the fact that her chest and hips are pressing into his back and her legs are clamped around his waist. Jongin exhales in relief as a sudden, blessed blast of autumnal wind hits him in the face, cooling down his skin and taking away the scent of pomegranates, soju and Joonmyun with it.

“Brrr, it’s cold, Jongin.” Joonmyun shivers slightly before snuggling closer, her face buried in his shoulder and Jongin knows it’s going to be a long walk home, for all that it’s only five minutes away.

"What's wrong with me?" She mumbles into his upper back, slightly tipsy.

"There's nothing wrong with you. Why do you keep insisting there is?" Jongin can't quite keep the frustration out of his voice.

"Then why didn't Baekhyun want me?"

"Of course he wanted you. He just didn't love you enough to wait for you. It's his loss, and frankly I'm glad he's an impatient, selfish jerk. I don't really want him anywhere near you."

"Why are you so nice to me?" She asks softly, the back of her hand brushing the underside of his chin weakly and his heart wheezes. Just a little bit.

"Because ..." _You're worth it_ , Jongin thinks but somehow can't bring himself to say. Then he hears a delicate, feminine snore. "Joonmyun?" But the only response is an increasingly loud snore and he laughs because it's just one of the many things he loves about Joonmyun - that she's not perfect, that she snores (although the snoring seems a little louder tonight than it does when she's sober). He trudges the rest of the way home, trying to ignore the scrambled state his emotions are in as he enjoys the weight of her body bearing down on his back, and the warm puffs of air that torment him as she continues to snore.

He struggles a little with the keys as he lets them into the apartment. It would have been much easier to bang on the door so Sehun could come out and help, but for reasons he's not ready to analyze, Jongin wants to see this night through on his own. Painstakingly, he removes her ballet pumps one by one before removing his own sneakers.

Once they're in Joonmyun's room, he maneuvers her onto the bed, his hand supporting her head as he lays it gently on her pillow. Carefully, he removes the hair tie and spreads her hair out as best he can, and it's like silk beneath his fingertips. Then he takes off her glasses, and he's not prepared for how pretty Joonmyun looks when she's not half hiding behind spectacle frames that are far too big for her small, heartlike face. Delicate eyelashes fan out on pale skin and Jongin has a sudden need to stroke her cheek, but he stops himself and covers her with her Totoro quilt instead.

"You're the most beautiful noona I know," Jongin says quietly as he brushes the dark hair off her forehead. Then he tugs the quilt up to her chin and takes one last look at her ... and makes himself leave. But he doesn’t shut the door so he can hear if she needs anything, or worse, if she vomits, but it’s unlikely that she will because she hadn't had all that much to drink.

He grabs some sleepwear from his room and heads to the bathroom just as Sehun is walking out.

"When did you guys get in?" Sehun, who is a couple of inches taller than him, is wearing his default unsmiling expression which borders on insolent at times.

"About ten minutes ago?"

"How is she?" A slight furrowing of the brow is the only indication of his concern for his sister, but Jongin knows it's there.

"Better, I think. She seems to want to move on now."

"Thank God for that because pajamas are not a good look?"

"Not nice, Sehunnie."

"It's the truth and you know it. So does that mean I won't have to give her any, um brotherly advice?" Sehun asks warily. He's a loyal friend and brother but about as far as you can get from the demonstrative sort. In fact he's about as far as you can get from Joonmyun; it's hard sometimes to remember that they're even related.

"You're good," Jongin nods as he steps into the bathroom.

"Jongin?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. Y'know, for looking out for her."

"She's your noona." Jongin says, like it explains everything.

"I guess that kinda makes her your noona too?" Sehun says with an oddly wry smile.

 _No, it doesn't,_ Jongin thinks but doesn't say, as he shuts the bathroom door behind him.

Later, he stops by Joonmyun's room to leave a glass of water on her bedstand, for when she wakes up. As he turns to leave, she coughs in her sleep and makes a kind of hiccuping noise that worries him, so he ends up dragging his bedding into her room. The wooden flooring is hard beneath his back but he'll worry about that in the morning. He turns on his side so he can just make out her form on the bed above him, and says quietly, "Goodnight, Joonmyun."

The only answer is a not quite gentle snore and Jongin smiles as her snores lull him to sleep.

•••-------•••

"I was thinking," Joonmyun says with grim determination, "since we're going to overhaul my appearance, maybe I should try dating too."

"That's sudden." And Jongin discovers he doesn't like the idea at all.

"I think I just have to bite the bullet and see if I really am that _uptight_." The distaste drips off the last word. "You have to help me, though. You know I'm only confident with family and close friends and I'm super awkward with everyone else. I mean can you imagine me trying to chat up a guy or asking him out?"

"You shouldn't be chatting up guys!"

“Why not? You said I need to move on and this is a perfect way to do it.”

“But it’s only been six weeks-”

“No point dragging things out. I’ve been wallowing long enough and I need to do new things and see new people and you’re going to help me.”

“I … what do you mean by help?”

“Well, I need to meet people but I don’t know anyone and I don’t know how to flirt so maybe you could, I don’t know, introduce me to some nice guys?”

“I don’t know any nice guys.” Jongin cringes inwardly at how much that sounds like bullshit, but the thought of Joonmyun flirting and going out with guys feels like all kinds of wrong to him. Having Baekhyun come round to the apartment over a six month period had been enough of an ordeal – he couldn’t imagine watching her suffer as another asshole dated her.

“Of course you do, Jongin. I know you’ll think of someone.”

And Jongin realizes that it’s better if he introduces her to guys he actually knows are decent than to risk her meeting someone on her own who may just end up being another Byun Baekhyun. That will happen over his cold, dead body because Kim Joonmyun deserves someone who’ll appreciate her for everything that she is, not what they want her to be.

“You’re right, I’ll think of someone. Okay, what do you want to do first?” he asks they enter the lift of the mall basement car park.

“Clothes!” Joonmyun’s face lights up with girlish excitement.

 

Three tops and two pairs of jeans later, Jongin and Joonmyun are sipping peppermint tea (because they both abhor coffee) at a quaint café called La Petit Baguette. They’re sharing an apricot Danish and a coffee éclair, eating off the same plate and cutting and spearing the pastries with shiny, stainless steel forks.

"So have you thought of anyone yet?"

"God, you're in such a hurry," Jongin raises a sardonic eyebrow.

"It's just ... I'm not getting any younger and I feel like life is passing me by."

"Joonmyun, you're 23, not 43!"

"I'm an _uptight_ 23 year-old so I'm practically 43 anyway," she rolled her eyes.

"You gotta let that one go. You're _not_ uptight. I think you just didn't find Baekhyun attractive enough, physically and emotionally."

"So you reckon if it were the right guy, I wouldn't be so inhibited?"

"Yeah, I think so. Probably. Baekhyun just wasn't the right guy, obviously."

"Well you're going to have to help me find the right guy then."

"You make it sound like something as uncomplicated as choosing what ice cream flavor you want." Jongin wrinkles his nose at the direction the conversation is taking.

"I just need to ... do something. I haven't done anything but cry and hide for six weeks. I'm in a rut and I need to get out of it. Help me?" Joonmyun asks directly. She's always direct with him and Sehun; she's not one for whining or pleading. She'll just straight out ask or threaten when she's in need of help, and Jongin's always appreciated that because he can't abide whining or being manipulated.

"Fine," he takes out his phone and begins texting Zhang Yixing. He's earnest and nice, with clean cut good looks. A final year Engineering student like himself, Yixing has always seemed like the gentlemanly sort. Not the most exciting guy ... but safe.

After exchanging four or five texts, Jongin informs Joonmyun that she's got a blind date for tomorrow afternoon (Yixing had wanted to take her for a quiet dinner but Jongin had vetoed the idea, saying an afternoon meeting in a public place would be better for a first date and Yixing had assented). There had been no need for persuasion even as Yixing had perked up at the mention of Joonmyun's name - _isn't that Sehun's pretty noona?_. Jongin hadn’t been impressed.

"That's too soon!"

"But you've been hassling me all afternoon to hurry up and get it done," Jongin chuckles at the mild panic settling on her features.

"But I don't know how to talk to guys!"

"You talk to Sehun and me all the time. More like boss us around actually."

"That's different. You're dongsaengs. You're family so there's no need to be self-conscious." Joonmyun's casual words clatter painfully against Jongin's ego. _I'm not family._

"How do I talk to a guy? And I'm not batting my eyelashes or giggling - I'm not about that life."

"I've never actually known a guy who likes eyelash batting and giggling," Jongin chuckles, shaking his head. "But girls seem to think we like that shit. I just don't understand why because they're the most annoying thing."

"Well thank God for that at least. There's still hope for me then. Okay so what do I have to do?"

"I don't know what to say other than just be yourself? I mean if you're going to be stuck with that person for a while, you want to make sure they know what they're getting themselves int- OUCH!" Jongin yelps as she pinches his arm.

"And you need to tell them you pinch really hard too. That was uncalled for Joonmyun!"

"You asked for it, implying I'm a bad catch."

"I wasn't! I like that you don't bat your eyelashes and that you don't giggle. And I like that you're not afraid to show it when you're mad or upset about something."

"Then you should date me, Jongin, since you already know all my flaws!" Joonmyun says it as a joke but her careless words make Jongin feel like he's been poleaxed.

"Maybe I should," he says in a daze, but Joonmyun's already moved on as she asks him what guys like to talk about. And Jongin begins to understand just how much it sucks to be friendzoned.

•••-------•••

"It is not cool how cold it is!" Joonmyun's rubs her gloved hands together.

She's wearing the freshly laundered black skinny jeans and beige turtleneck Jongin had helped her pick out the day before. And there's even a new tan parka that looks both sporty and elegant on her slender figure. Joonmyun feels almost pretty as her skates glide smoothly across the slick surface.

"Don't let go!" Jongin yells nervously as he holds on to her hands tightly. She's zipping backwards effortlessly as she tows him along.

"Move your feet faster, Jongin! You can do this!"

"I can't. I know I'll fall if I go too fast."

"You won't! I'll catch you, I promise!" The cold air rushes past as she cuts across the ice, and it pulls at her hair and stings her face. But Jongin doesn't notice the air currents because he's too busy trying not to lose his balance and fall - his handsome face all tense with anxiety and concentration. Jongin's always so laid back and Joonmyun's never seen him look as intense as this. It makes him look older somehow, more attractive.

"Let go, Jongin! Just trust your legs and stop holding back. Let go!"

And this time Jongin finally allows himself to skate independently without relying on Joonmyun to propel him forward. His legs wobble a bit and his movements are far from elegant, but he's moving on his own steam, only holding her hands lightly now.

They skate around the rink side by side, Joonmyun weaving across the ice freely so she's sometimes ahead, sometimes behind him. It's exhilarating to just be moving together with the cold air snapping at their faces and whipping through their hair.

"Are you having fun?" Joonmyun's face is wreathed in smiles as she looks at Jongin and he smiles back, his eyes crinkling with achievement and delight as he puts his feet forward more and more confidently. He's so handsome Joonmyun can barely catch her breath, and her hand suddenly feels very small in his. She's so distracted she doesn't notice the little boy who cuts in front of Jongin. There's no contact but it's enough to throw a beginner off balance, and Jongin panics and tumbles backwards, pulling Joonmyun down with him.

 

"Ah!" Jongin lands hard on his back but manages to pull his head up just in time so it doesn't impact with the icy cold ground. Then he's groaning as a body lands on his. Relieved that he managed to break her fall at least, he opens his eyes to find Joonmyun's face close, ever so close to his. His senses are filled with her scent and her eyes, so animated and beautiful even behind the hipster frames. Their lips are just a palm's width apart and his eyes are irresistibly drawn to the pale coral pink sheen of her lips. It feels like all the muscles in his body are reaching up towards her, and her body is warm and provoking and pressing into him.

"Are you okay?" Joonmyun blinks furiously and hastily pushes herself off him. Just like that, the weight of her body on his is gone and Jongin feels bereft, in a way he can't explain.

"I ... I think I'm still in one piece," he smiles a little weakly as Joonmyun helps him up. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, um ... I'm fine. Sorry I used you as an airbag though,"

"Well it's not like I didn't ask for it, pulling you down like that."

There's a thin layer of awkwardness that's suddenly coated their interactions and Jongin just wants to peel it away. He's about to say something light and funny to try and dispel the strange mood that's settled over them, when his phone buzzes insistently in his pocket. It's Yixing of course. He's managed to get his flat tire fixed and says he’ll be here in 10 minutes or so.

"I'm nervous, Jongin! What if I freeze and can't say a word? What if I forget how to skate and end up falling?"

"Just don't fall on him!" Jongin warns her and he isn't even remotely joking. The thought of Joonmyun lying on top of Zhang Yixing upsets his insides badly.

"Why would I do that?! Anyway, I'm sure he's a better skater than you since he suggested an ice skating date."

"Just make sure you move out of the way if he starts flailing like he's going to fall. It could just be a plan to get you to fall _on_ him," Jongin says unhappily.

"I won't be holding his hand though, so I should be safe enough. I'm curious to meet him but at the same time, I just want to go home, curl up in bed and watch a drama … For like the next 7 years."

"Let's go home then," Jongin squeezes her hand as he skates along jerkily, his earlier self-confidence having mostly trickled away with his little accident on the ice.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were asking me to skip out of that blind date."

"Maybe I am," Jongin says cryptically.

"Jongin, what ...?"

Before Jongin can reply, his phone rings and he reluctantly informs Joonmyun that Yixing is at the Jade Exit of the rink. When they reach the exit, Jongin introduces a now tongue-tied Joonmyun to a congenial Yixing, and he watches as Joonmyun's natural sassiness and bright personality drain out of her, leaving a slightly shy and slightly awkward Joonmyun. And Jongin doesn't like that the light has gone out of her; he doesn't like it at all.

And he likes it even less that he has to leave her with Yixing.

•••-------•••

The two friends are sitting in a cosy coffeehouse furnished with weathered wooden tables and olive green, burnt orange and royal purple sofas. The aroma of coffee clings to the air and Jongin is glad he loves the smell of coffee even if he hates the taste of it. Sehun is warming his hands on a large, clear glass mug of mocha while Jongin takes listless sips of his hot chocolate and stares out the paned windows at the darkening sky.

"Why do you look like someone just died?" Sehun kicks his ankle none too gently.

"Just tired."

"I wasn't gonna ask but, why'd you come out of noona's room this morning with your pillows and shit?"

"I was worried she'd throw up or something."

"She didn't seem hungover at all – she can’t have drunk enough to make her sick. Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Nothing to tell. She's on a date with Zhang Yixing at the ice rink downstairs, remember?"

"That doesn't mean anything," Sehun snorts. "Anyway, Yixing and my noona would never work out."

"Why the hell not?"

"He's too ... agreeable. She needs someone who can challenge her and not let her have her way all the time."

"She might decide he's just what she needs. And she does _not_ try to get her way all the time."

"You only say that because you're biased."

"Why would I be biased? What does that even mean, Sehun?"

"It means you've been in love with her for a while now."

"I'm not in love with your noona!"

"Yeah, I'm sure that's why you currently look like you're dying, now that she's out with Zhang Yixing. And that's the reason you were in a foul mood for six whole months while she was seeing Byun Baekhyun - it was because you were totally _not_ in love with her. And it’s also why you hardly ever date – it’s because you’re _not_ in love with her."

"I'm not dying. I’m just tired."

"If you say so," Sehun shrugs. He doesn’t argue but it’s clear from his expression that he thinks Jongin is knee-deep in denial (and maybe he is, but Jongin isn’t ready to admit to this).

“Anyway, I’m heading home. Assignment due on Wednesday. You coming?”

“I’ll just stay here till Joonmyun’s done. She asked me to wait because she doesn’t want to get into a car with a stranger. You know how she is with people she’s just met.”

“Yeahhh, noona can be so awks. But dude, you should really tell her how you feel one day.”

“I’m not in love with her.” Jongin says stubbornly. “And even if I were, which I’m _not_ , I’m just family to her.” 

“Then she’s just as blind as you are. See you both at home. Don’t come back too early.”

Sometimes Jongin really really hates Sehun.

•••-------•••

It’s only 6 in the evening and the pre-dinner crowd in the mall is already beginning to thicken. After Sehun had left for home, Jongin had ordered a raspberry tea so he could stay in the coffeehouse and read while he waited for Joonmyun to wrap up her date. Fortunately, he’d only had to wait forty minutes on his own before Joonmyun rang to find out where he was.

“So?” Jongin asks as Joonmyun joins him on the olive green sofa.

“Tired.” Joonmyun sinks onto the sofa beside him and lays her head on Jongin’s shoulder like she often does.

“Tired? How much ice-skating did you do?!” His arm fits around her shoulders easily and he tries not to be overwhelmed by the scent of her hair.

“We skated for about an hour I guess? Then we had tea at a patisserie on the second floor. The skating was fine, Jongin. It was the sitting across from each other part I had problems with.”

“Was he rude? Did he TRY ANYTHING?!”

“Of course not. He was a perfect gentleman.”

“Which part of that is problematic?’

“The polite conversation part. The getting to know you and trying to be charming and witty part. You know I suck at that, Jongin. I’m so exhausted.”

“So Yixing was nice then.”

“He was very nice and polite and considerate and …”

“And?”

“And that was it. I wasn’t attracted to him. At all. No sparks or whatever you call them. So I said no when he asked me out again. He’s a really nice guy but he’s just friend material for me. With Baekhyun, I knew from the first time we met that I wanted to know him better and maybe kiss him at some point. I don’t get that with Yixing.”

“Okay, so not Yixing.” There’s a pang in Jongin’s chest, a subtle sour feeling deep in his chest as he realizes that Joonmyun and him have known each other for two years, but she has never been attracted to him either.

“But I’m not giving up. Who’s next?” Joonmyun pokes him in the rib with her index finger – apparently having gotten over the awkwardness during the ice-rink incident.

“You’re not serious!”

“Dead serious. Also, let's have fried chicken and beer for dinner. It's going to give me gas and make me fart for hours but I don't even care."

"TMI!"

"Please! It's not something you haven't discovered for yourself in the past two years. You know all my worst habits, Kim Jongin. What is TMI when you've seen me at my worst?"

"And I still love you anyway." Jongin tries to keep all the sad out of his smile but he’s not sure it works.

"I love you too," Joonmyun smiles and the impact of her warm smile and the platonic sincerity of her words are a bittersweet thrust to the heart.

"Which chicken place then?" Jongin asks quickly before he has a chance to get melancholy over the fact that Joonmyun doesn't get _sparks_ with him either.

•••-------•••

"So who are you seeing tomorrow?" Chanyeol asks as she meticulously paints Berrylicious Perfection onto each bare toenail. She's bent over her task, her striking, large eyes wrinkled in concentration. It’s Tuesday night and Joonmyun’s asked her to stay, to teach her how to put on makeup and how to talk to boys because Joonmyun can’t do either.

"Jongin says he's an Architecture student and his name is ... dammit, why can't I remember his name? I think it's Hyungseok? Or is it Minjae? I swear I've asked at least three times but it just won't stick. Anyway, Jongin says he's funny and nice and I'll definitely like him." Joonmyun's lying on her belly, her pillow tucked under her chin as she watches Chanyeol make meticulous brushstrokes that leave pretty frosted pink lakes in their wake. 

"What I don't understand is why you're going through this whole blind date fiasco. I mean you and Jongin have obviously been flirting with each other for the past two years. That's a hella long time to have foreplay? I mean ... you should just date Jongin so y'all can sleep with each other and solve all your problems."

"CHANYEOL!" Joonmyun yells in shock and disbelief.

"Don't tell me you've never considered it? Honestly you're both hopeless. You're so obviously into each other that this whole blind date thing is just dumbassery. You need to date _each other_ not people whose names you can't even remember."

"We're _FRIENDS_! He's just a dongsaeng!"

"You say that like you actually believe it," Chanyeol snorts. She stretches her legs out and spreads her toes apart so the polish can dry properly. Joonmyun sighs at how long and slender her best friend's legs are. Joonmyun's legs are slender too but there's no getting past the fact that she's as short as Chanyeol as tall. 

"Of course I believe it. I'm just his friend's noona. A good friend and roommate. That's all."

"And what is he to you?"

"He's just a dongsaeng. Probably my favorite dongsaeng but a dongsaeng nonetheless."

"Is that all? Think hard, Kim Joonmyun. This is important."

"He's the person I feel most comfortable with ... other than you and Sehun."

"Think about why. And I don't think friendship is the answer here." Chanyeol's expression is as serious as Joonmyun's ever seen it and she's about to ask her to explain when they hear a loud knock on the door. It's Sehun.

"Is Jongin here? I need help with a Math tutorial."

"Just me here," Chanyeol gives Sehun a flirtatious smile and Joonmyun catches her brother trying his best to look cool and unaffected when he’s probably sprung a boner.

"Hey, Chanyeol. How've you been? You've um ... got a smudge on one of those nails."

"Damn," she bites her lower lip with a gentle curse and Joonmyun has to stop herself from rolling her eyes. 

"Anyway, noona, if you see Jongin when he gets in can you tell him I need help?"

"You can text him, you lazy ass."

"I did! He's been out for hours and he hasn't replied any of his texts. Maybe he met someone?"

"Someone?"

"A girl. Maybe he met a girl he likes and they're having a drink together. Just saying. It's not like Jongin doesn't have girls asking him out all the time." Sehun is flippant and it grates on Joonmyun's nerves. What girls? And why hasn't anyone told her about them?

"It's funny how girls are always asking him out and yet he doesn't date," Chanyeol says speculatively. 

"Well maybe he met someone today who's finally changed his mind," Sehun is practically smirking. 

"It must be a special girl if he's not even answering his text messages. I mean," 

"He's probably studying at the library with his phone on silent!" Joonmyun says waspishly and the other two give her knowing stares. 

Sometimes she really really hates Sehun and Chanyeol.

•••-------•••

Chanyeol is drooling all over her bolster and Joonmyun looks at the wet patch in disgust. She's going to insist she brings her own bolster the next time she sleeps over because she doesn't need Chanyeol christening her bedding again.

She checks her phone but Jongin hasn't replied her messages let alone her calls. It's past 11 and she's worried. It's not like him to ignore calls and messages. Chanyeol's snores become increasingly loud, making it even more impossible for her to sleep and she's had a hard enough time trying in the past half hour. Feeling out of sorts about Jongin's absence, she leaves her room quietly and calls him again. 

She hears strains of a song from another room and follows the sounds to their source. Jongin's door is ajar - all three of them usually leave their bedroom doors open when they're not busy or asleep so it's nothing out of the ordinary. Jongin's phone is buzzing and EXO's _Don't Go_ is playing. It's her favorite song and she's always telling Jongin that, while he scoffs and counters that _Thunder_ is a much better song.

She looks at the phone screen as the caller ID flashes on and off. _Prettiest Noona_ it says and she laughs at the contact name, but there's a twist of sadness in her laugh. It's the cutest thing that he's actually saved her number that way in spite of the fact that he’s never actually called her noona in real life. It makes her smile but at the same time it makes her heart ache in the worst way that she must really be just a noona to him after all.

•••-------•••

Leaving her door open a crack, Joonmyun curls into fetus position and snuggles under her quilt. She tries to nap, but between Chanyeol's less than delicate snores and her anxiety over Jongin, sleep eludes her completely. She really needs to know that Jongin is okay and she knows she won’t be getting any sleep until he’s back home, safe and sound.

Finally, around midnight, she hears the front door open and shut. Feet move across the floor quietly before stopping right in front of her door. She's about to scold him for not bringing his phone and scaring everyone (well her anyway, she doubts Sehun's even raised a heartbeat over this) half to death when he pushes the door open.

For reasons she can't fathom, Joonmyun shuts her eyes tightly and pretends to be asleep. Her quilt has wound itself around her waist with all her tossing and turning and she hopes all that disarray doesn't make it obvious that she hasn’t actually been sleeping. The mattress dips as Jongin sits beside her and slowly unwinds the mess of fabric, spreading it out smoothly over her, covering her from neck to toe.

"Goodnight, noona," Jongin whispers as he caresses her forehead. And then he's gone.

Inexplicably, a tear rolls down Joonmyun's cheek and it's another forty minutes before she finally surrenders to exhaustion.

•••-------•••

The only source of illumination in the room is the splash of light from the hallway but it’s enough. Joonmyun looks so ethereal in sleep, even with her sheets all bunched up around her waist. She’s so quiet tonight, Jongin thinks, unlike Chanyeol who’s snoring up a storm beside her. Carefully, he eases the quilt off her and tucks it neatly around her, shaking his head fondly at the Totoro pajamas she’s wearing tonight.

“Goodnight, noona.” His fingers brush her forehead longingly as he whispers _goodnight_ , his heart breaking a little. He leaves her room quickly, whatever peace of mind he’d found earlier scattering like so much dust in the wind. After wandering around for hours, he’d actually managed to find some measure of serenity but now he’s back to being an unhappy tangle of conflicted emotions.

_Why does it hurt so much?_

Jongin wants to blame Sehun for everything. He wants to think that if his friend hadn't accused him of being in love with Joonmyun, he wouldn't have become so hyper aware of her, so caught up in her every word and gesture. The last three days have been torturous for him, seeing Joonmyun every day and trying to act as if nothing has changed when really, _everything has_ \- at least for him.

It had taken hours of soul searching but yesterday, Jongin had decided that he should be the good friend Joonmyun wants him to be and introduce her to someone she'll actually like and respect. Deep down, he’d known that Yixing wouldn't suit and that's why he'd picked him. But he can't continue to be selfish. Just because he can't have Joonmyun, it doesn't mean he should stand in the way of her meeting someone who could truly make her happy.

And so he’d finally decided on Kim Minseok for the next blind date. Minseok is an architecture student he's known for several years - an outgoing guy with a great sense of humor. Jongin’s always enjoyed his company and he believes Joonmyun will too, as soon as she gets past her initial shyness. He knows this instinctively.

He hasn't quite figured out how he'll cope with Joonmyun being happy with someone else, but he'll work it out when the time comes. He _has to_ because they're roommates after all. And if turns out he can’t cope with Joonmyun being happy with other people, Jongin knows he may have to look at moving out even if it’s the last thing he wants.

_Moving out … of Joonmyun’s apartment and her life._

When he thinks about not seeing Joonmyun wander around the apartment in her ridiculous Totoro pajamas with a jar of Nutella in one hand and a spoon in the other, or not watching tv on the couch with her head on his shoulder, or not hearing her burp and fart for hours after they polish off some beer and chicken, he can’t breathe. He feels winded, like the way he’d felt when Joonmyun had landed on him at the skating rink and he hadn’t been able to breathe for a second or two. He tries to imagine leaving her apartment and her life and … he just can’t do it.

•••-------•••

"What's his name again?" Joonmyun tucks a stray, curling lock of hair behind her ear and pushes her glasses further up her nose.

"Pay attention this time when I say it and for God's sake memorize the name! We wouldn't want you calling him _Joongki oppa_ by mistake," Jongin rolls his eyes.

"But Joongki is sooooooo handsome!" Joonmyun sighs dreamily, well and truly star struck by the charismatic actor who plays Gu Yongha in _Sungkyunkwan Scandal_.

"He probably looks like nothing much outside of a dress," Jongin grumbles.

"Jongin, this jealousy has to stop. Okay, what is blind date guy's name? I promise this will be the last time I ask. I promise!"

"His name is Minseok. MIN-SEOK. I swear to God it's not that hard to remember, Joonmyun. MIN-SEOK."

"Unnecessari-"

"-ly sarcastic, I know." Jongin grins and she hits him on the arm ... just before his phone rings. It's Minseok, the screen lighting up aggressively. A few seconds later, Jongin is telling her Minseok won’t be able to make it tonight because he’s been involved in a minor accident - just a fender bender so it's nothing to worry about but it will take them at least an hour to sort out the insurance claims etcetera.

"Poor guy," she shakes her head sympathetically.

"Do you want to go home?"

"No! I mean we’re here already and I've never actually had a chance to watch a movie at the City Film Festival. We should stay, Jongin. Plus, I've got my thickest scarf to keep my neck warm and toasty and I'm already dressed for it anyway." She reaches her hand out and gives Jongin’s a squeeze. He smiles and it’s almost like the smiles he usually gives her. Joonmyun has missed Jongin’s easy smiles because he’s been quiet and a little distant this week.

She wonders if it’s because of the collision they’d had on the ice. Every time she replays the scene in her mind, she feels all knotted up and funny inside. Jongin’s lips had been so close to hers and all she’d wanted to do was lean in and taste him, taste his skin. She’d been so _tempted_ … but then she’d remembered just in time that he was her dongsaeng and he might not have welcomed a kiss from his friend’s noona. So she’d reeled in her urges and scrambled off him.

Now she almost regrets not kissing him. _Perhaps tonight if there’s if there’s a chance at all …? But no, I couldn’t_.

“Let’s sit here.” Jongin spreads out a tartan blanket and they sink to the ground in tandem. There’s an ocean of blankets and people surrounding them and it’s all very festive as people chat and eat snacks and drink beverages from thermos flasks. Joonmyun’s brought some green tea and she decants it into steel cups (because she always complains that paper cups just pollute the planet), passing one to Jongin.

A movie screen has been set up on the lip of a large clearing in Blue Lantern Park and it’s framed by the rapidly darkening, bruised purple sky and the silhouettes of pine trees. In the distance, there’s a small river that weaves and meanders slowly around the park, and the floodlights are casting golden shadows on the water. The light bounces prettily off the surface and it looks like there a million fireflies floating over the water.

“The water’s so beautiful.”

“Like fireflies.” Jongin blows on his green tea, delicate wisps of steam drifting over his face. He sees fireflies too, Joonmyun thinks as she stares at him. Their knees are up and just touching and her eyes keep wandering to his profile. He looks so different from Baekhyun – all golden skin and square jaw and generous mouth. _What would it be like to feel his face beneath her fingertips?_ Something warm settles in her tummy at the thought, and it doesn’t feel at all like green tea.

The movie, a 2006 romantic comedy called _Penelope_ , is a sweet love story but she just can’t concentrate because Jongin’s aftershave is too distracting, the arm looped loosely over her shoulders too heavy and the warm chest under her cheek too comfortable. And he smells wonderful. He always does but somehow everything is more distinct tonight and it’s making her yearn for things she shouldn’t be yearning for.

 _Sparks_. She feels sparks and if she’s honest with herself, this isn’t anywhere near the first time she’s felt them.

She needs some air so she can think, so she won’t do anything rash and she moves out of Jongin’s field of gravity and reclines on the blanket.

"Are you okay?" Jongin's voice is laced with concern and maybe something else; Joonmyun just can't figure out what.

"My back hurts. I just need to lie down for a while." She tries to smile.

"Do you want me to massage it?"

"NO!" Joonmyun yells with a little more force than necessary. He gives her an odd look before lying quietly on the ground beside her. His intoxicating scent wraps itself around her senses and Joonmyun feels like she's drowning. 

"Joonmyun?" 

She doesn't have to look at Jongin to feel the weight of his stare, feel it mark indelible imprints on her soul.

"Yeah?" She finally turns and their eyes meet in the semi-darkness, the pallid grey shadows from the screen painting Jongin's face a dull, sickly color. 

"Do you ever feel like just telling someone how you feel about them even if they'll probably laugh at you?" _Yes,_ Joonmyun whispers in her head and she closes her eyes, movie forgotten as Jongin threads his fingers through hers.

"Sometimes." 

"What if I told you …" Jongin begins and then falters, "Never mind. It's not that important after all."

Joonmyun would normally pester him until the secrets spilled from his lips but this time she's wary of asking, too afraid of what he'll say. So she says nothing and mutters a silent apology to Christina Ricci and James McAvoy because it’s not their fault she can’t focus on the movie for longer than two minutes at a time. Her small hand cradled securely in Jongin’s much larger hand, she spends most of the next one and a half hours staring at the starlit canopy that is the night sky, and stealing looks at Jongin rather than keeping her eyes on the unconventional romance unfolding on the screen before them.

•••-------•••

They catch a taxi home, tumbling into the back seat together in their impatience to get out of the cold. Inside, it’s warm and Joonmyun’s cranberry scent, the one Jongin had helped her pick during the previous weekend’s shopping trip, is curling its tendrils around him. It’s a real effort keeping his hands by his sides when all he wants to do is take her in his arms and kiss her.

They usually chat about nothing in particular when they ride in buses, trains and taxis together, but today they’re both quiet. It’s a silence that’s both okay and not-okay and it worries Jongin a little. He wants Joonmyun to use his shoulder as a pillow like she usually does, but at the same time, he’s scared of what he’ll do if her cheek actually finds its usual resting place. Damn that cranberry scent and more than anything else, damn his stupid hopeful heart (for wanting what it cannot have).

When they’re about two blocks from home, Joonmyun asks if they can get off. She wants to stretch her legs after all that sitting down in the park, and she’s been craving the double chocolate praline ice-cream at Benny’s. Jongin nods gratefully because he needs to get out of the confined space before he ends up doing something he regrets. But first, he stares out the window at the traffic and people rushing past, desperately trying to gather some threads of calm while Joonmyun tells the taxi driver to let them off.

“Why do you always take French vanilla?” Joonmyun takes a lick of her double chocolate praline ice-cream, her ballet pumps making muffled footfalls on the sidewalk.

“The same reason you always take double chocolate praline, I guess? French vanilla is safe and I know it works for me. If I choose a flavour I haven’t tried before, I might end up with something I can’t take.”

“But it’s good to take risks sometimes, Jongin.”

“But risks sometimes don’t pay off and things get messed up.” Jongin feels like they aren’t talking about ice-cream anymore. And he’s so intent on watching her lips form words and on watching her tongue lick her ice-cream that he doesn’t realize he’s eating his own ice-cream too slowly until he feels melted vanilla trickle down his chin. When Joonmyun tells him to stop moving, Jongin comes to a stop without hesitation and she drags him to the side so they aren’t blocking other pedestrians.

“Don’t move, Jongin! You eat ice-cream like a child,” she laughs as her index fingertip wipes away errant drops of vanilla from off his chin. And the next part happens so fast, Jongin doesn’t even have time to rein in his impulses. One moment Joonmyun is licking vanilla ice-cream off her finger and the next moment, she’s standing on tiptoe and holding Jongin’s face between her palms.

“Joonmyun, wh-“

And there’s no chance to say anything else as soft lips fit over his and Joonmyun’s tongue sweeps gently into his mouth. She tastes of double chocolate praline and something more elusive (Jongin suspects it’s Joonmyun) and it’s the sweetest thing Jongin has ever tasted. His ice-cream joins the other one on the sidewalk as his arms reach around her tiny frame and hold her close, their tongues entwining sweetly together.

 _Inhale_ , Jongin tells himself just before his tongue fills her mouth and he deepens the kiss, his left hand cupping her nape as he feels her small hands gripping his waist. Finally, remembering where they are, Jongin drags his mouth away and places a chaste kiss to her forehead before pulling her into a tight embrace, lifting her feet clear off the ground. Her laugh is a beautiful sound as she tells Jongin to put her down. Breathing in her scent, Jongin hugs her tightly and he knows he’ll never let her go, not unless she makes him.

"I thought you said I was just family,"

"I thought you were ... until I found out you weren't. Are you ... are you ok with that?"

"Yes, Joonmyun. I think I kinda made it clear that I am ok with that," Jongin smiles and his mouth swoops on hers to steal a kiss.

“There’s no need for sarcasm!”

“Sarcasm is always necessary.”

"Of course it’s not!” Joonmyun glares before asking a little self-consciously, “So … am I just your noona?" Joonmyun rests her fingers on his cheek. 

"It took me a while to figure it out but no, you're not just a noona."

"Not just the _prettiest noona_ , you mean?" Joonmyun teases.

"Oh man, you saw that thing on phone? That's so embarrassing." He groans and buries his head in her shoulder.

"I was looking for you, okay? I called your phone and heard it ringing. I was worried, Jongin. You shit!" She punches his arm with as much strength as she can muster.

"Ouch! I'm sorry, noona. I just needed time to sort things out in my head."

"Don't you noona me! Not after all this time. Anyway, I’m not sure I want you calling me noona anymore – not that you’d even called me noona once before tonight. Where were you anyway? I've been meaning to ask you all day but the time just hasn't been right for it."

"I was walking around mostly. Trying to work out what to do if Minseok and you had hit it off tonight. Thinking about whether I would have the strength to move out.”

“YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MOVE OUT!”

“Well, I know that now.” He chuckles and they exchange another chocolate-vanilla-tinted kiss as cars honk in the distance and people walk by.

“Okay, I think we’ve given everyone here enough of a show. Let’s go home,” Joonmyun tugs him along … sighing happily when his arm drapes around her shoulders like they’ve always done. But tonight is so much more than they’ve always done as she wraps her arm around his waist and he drops kisses on her hair and forehead as they walk the rest of the way home.

It's bliss.

•••-------•••

They’d come home all giddy and in love and had somehow managed to shower and get ready for bed like they normally did. The only thing they did differently was to stand at the bathroom sink together, brushing their teeth like little kids at a sleepover (except no one had to go home in the morning).

Now, they’re in Joonmyun’s bed in their pajamas, lying on their sides facing each other, just talking and giving each other sweet, lazy kisses.

“Do you really think I would have liked Hyungseok? Or was it Minjae?”

“Joonmyun, please. His name is Minseok! Just as well you guys didn’t meet since you seem terminally incapable of remembering his name. And yeah, I really think you would have liked him. He’s a fun guy with a kind heart. I think you guys would have hit it off.”

“Well, you can always introduce us,” she says cheekily.

“That’s not funny, Joonmyun.” Jongin drags his index finger over her chin.

“You can introduce us because I know for sure there won’t be any sparks.”

“You didn’t have any sparks with me either.”

“Not … entirely true.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I think I’ve been attracted to you for a long time. I just refused to admit it to myself. Especially with you being a dongsaeng and all that.”

“But we’re only two years apart. That’s nothing.”

“You should have asked me out earlier then.” Joonmyun reasons, poking him in the ribs.

“I was in denial too, I guess? Sehun called me out on it last Sunday and I’ve been in a perpetual state of torment since. Because there I was, finally admitting to my feelings and the girl I like is asking me to set her up on blind dates.”

“You should have set yourself up as my blind date, you dumbass.”

“I think I would have resorted to that eventually. But what about Byun Baekhyun?”

“Ah, I guess we need to talk about him sooner or later. I mean I confided in you for most of that relationship – all the problems we were having. The only thing I didn’t discuss with you was the fact that I didn’t want to sleep with him because I just couldn’t see myself … doing that with him. I just couldn’t. But I did like him a lot? Or maybe it was just the idea of being with someone that appealed to me and it wasn’t Baekhyun himself that I liked quite so much.”

“You kind of told me he broke things off with you because you didn’t want to sleep with him.”

“When did I do that? I don’t remember ever telling you that.”

“It was the night you had too much soju after jjambong and you insisted on telling me even though I told you it wasn’t a good idea to be sharing secrets when you were drunk.”

"Why didn't you stop me?!"

"I tried! You insisted you were sober and you pinned my hands to the table so I couldn't cover your mouth."

“Why am I so embarrassing?!” Joonmyun practically wails before asking, “Did I mention that he called me uptight?”

“Yes. And I told you that you’re not uptight.”

“But-“

“You’re NOT.” Jongin says firmly, just before he captures her lips and tightens his arm around her body.

“But I’m so attracted to you. In fact, I think I love you? I mean I've always loved you as a friend but this ... thing we have now isn't the same at all is it? And I want you so much but I’m not ready to sleep with you yet. I really want to but I’m scared too. Doesn’t that make me a little uptight?”

“No, it just makes you Joonmyun. And we have plenty of time. Let’s just take things slow and get used to each other first.”

“You’re not upset?”

“No! I'm just happy we're here now. Together. Now kiss me and let’s get some sleep. I didn’t sleep much last night and I’m exhausted.”

“Yeah, same. Thanks for coming in to check on me when you got home.”

“Wait, you knew?’

“Yes,” Joonmyun smiles shyly and kisses Jongin, “I think I might actually love you.”

“I _know_ I love you,” Jongin smiles back and then they fall asleep, spooning … and this could really be the happiest Joonmyun has ever been.

•••-------•••

They're woken up the next morning by the insistent ringing of Jongin's phone on the bedside table. It's Fall Out Boy's _Centuries_ so it can only be Kim Minseok. Jongin groans, his forearm pressed to his forehead.

"Who is it?" Joonmyun asks blearily, clinging to him sleepily.

"Minseok. I should answer that."

"No, don't!" She rolls on top of him before she has a chance to think about the consequences. "Just let it ring. He'll leave a message," she laces her fingers in his and presses down on his palms so his hands can't go anywhere. The phone finally stops ringing and a few seconds later a message comes in. Reaching over him, she retrieves the phone and passes it to Jongin.

"He wants to reschedule the blind date," Jongin laughs. "What do I say?"

"Tell him there's no need. I've already got a date. A permanent one."

"Yeah?" His lazy smile and the laugh lines that form around his eyes make her breath catch in the most painful way.

"Yeah," she smiles, snuggling closer and that's when she feels _it_. "Jongin?"

"Um ... morning wood issues. You might want to get off me now, Joonmyun." He sounds calm but his features are clearly strained.

"What if I'm comfortable where I am? What if I don't want to move?" Joonmyun's nipples have formed stiff peaks from the friction with Jongin's chest and the layers of cotton separating them don't seem to be doing anything to inhibit her natural response to having him beneath her.

"You'd better get off me, Kim Joonmyun, I mean it." A note of desperation has entered his voice and Joonmyun feels a slight twitching beneath her and an answering slow burn and dampness between her legs.

"I don't think I can," Joonmyun says as she moves experimentally. Her crotch rubs against his hard length, the deep ache intensifying. 

"Joonmyun, please." Jongin shuts his eyes, his hands settling on her lower back.

"Make me feel beautiful, Jongin." And there's something familiar about those words, like she's said them before.

"You're the most beautiful person I know," Jongin's words and his eyes are so full of sincerity Joonmyun knows she'll never let him go. Not unless he wants her to. "You're the most beautiful person, Joonmyun and you don't need to have sex with me to prove that you're beautiful."

"I know. And I'm not quite ready yet but this feels good?" And she rocks against him and it feels so amazing, especially when Jongin rotates his hips slowly and moves with her. He doesn’t remove her pajama top but his hands reach beneath the fabric to touch her breasts, play with them. His fingertips pinch the erect nubs gently, and her back arches from the pleasure he brings her. 

Joonmyun grinds her hips again and again, and that unbearable need builds, growing more and more intense until clenching, shuddering spasms overwhelm her. She lets out one final gasp of ecstasy before she collapses on him, all her senses raw and tingling as Jongin rides out his own orgasm.

"Are you okay?" Jongin asks eventually, when he's caught his breath.

"So much more than okay," she nestles against his chest, the still too-fast rhythm of his heartbeat echoing in her ears.

"I'm glad." Jongin's hand strokes her hair. "You'll always be beautiful to me, Joonmyun."

"I'm starting to believe it," she grins, "but I think the next time, we should do this without any clothes on. I don't want you ruining another pair of pants because of me." 

And the quiet of the morning is broken by the sounds of Jongin's delighted, husky laughter.

**Three weeks later**

“You need to get a new quilt.”

“Why the heck would I need to get a new one? This one’s perfectly fine!’

“I’m okay with you being under this Totoro quilt, and I know you’re okay with you being under this Totoro quilt but I’m not sure how _I_ feel about being under this Totoro quilt.”

“Please? It’s Totoro. I need him in my bed, or I can’t sleep. I’ve always had a Totoro quilt, ever since I was nine. This is non-negotiable!”

“It’s non-negotiable, is it?” Jongin’s smile is seductive and sly as he wraps his arms around hers and nuzzles her neck, and rubs his morning stubble against her soft skin, sending tingles across her skin that leave her nipples erect and a tightness forming low in her gut.

“100% not up for discussion.”

“Are you sure about that?” Jongin asks just before his tongue circles one nipple and his mouth engulfs it, his teeth tugging at it gently. Joonmyun gasps at the sensations, her palms holding Jongin’s head as he teases her nipples. Joonmyun’s always been self-conscious about her too-small breasts but Jongin doesn’t seem to mind and he’s always made her feel so beautiful as his warm hands cup the gentle slopes and his mouth slides over the tips, sucking gently on taut, pale pink nipples.

“Totoro stays!”

“Are you sure?” Jongin dusts her belly with kisses before his mouth moves further south … and stops. “Totoro goes if you want me to continue.”

“That’s blackmail, Kim Jongin!”

“You can call it what you want,” he grins as he gives a teasing lick that ignites such intense desire she feels like she might die if he doesn’t finish what he’s started.

“Okay fine, fine! Totoro goes!” Joonmyun agrees desperately and then she hears a murmured _good_ just before she feels Jongin’s wicked tongue move over her. A loud moan escapes her mouth before she can muffle it and then she’s too overwhelmed by the wet, tight sensations to care. It doesn’t take much to unravel her entirely and then there’s the rustling of a foil packet and Jongin kisses her neck and collarbones and then her mouth as he sinks into her, filling her up completely. His hands cup her breasts and he gives her nipples all the attention they need as he moves inside her and Joonmyun wants him to never stop.

She moans as he thrusts into her over and over, his mouth moving hotly over the sensitive skin on her neck. “The most beautiful noona,” Jongin whispers before taking her earlobe between his teeth, and plunging into her depths yet again. Her legs wrap around his back as she pushes her hips up to meet his driving thrusts. Then it’s Jongin’s turn to moan as they move in unison, faster and faster and faster until they reach the edge of the precipice and white hot heat sears them both as they climax together.

They barely have time to settle into each other’s arms, whisper _I love yous_ and come down from their joint high before they hear a distinct noise of disapproval from outside the room they share.

“YOU GUYS ARE SO GROSS, MAN!” Sehun yells disgustedly through the bedroom door and Joonmyun and Jongin burst into laughter.

“GO AWAY SEHUNNIE!” Joonmyun yells back.

“SO GROSS, I CANNOT!”

“At least he didn’t interrupt us earlier?” Jongin chuckles against her skin and it’s ticklish.

“He shouldn’t have said anything at all. Now I’m going to feel awkward every time I see him for the next few days. Ugh, I hate that boy,” she growls. “And it’s not like he and Chanyeol are going to be super quiet when they finally hook up.”

“But how do you know they will?”

“Because Chanyeol wants my brother and unlike me, she’s not shy. Trust me, Jongin, he doesn’t have a hope of withstanding Park Chanyeol.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t. Should I warn him? Male solidarity against noonas and all that,” he grins before yelping when Joonmyun pinches him on the arm. “I was joking, Joonmyun!”

“What’s wrong with noonas?!”

“Nothing. I wouldn’t give up my noona for anything.” And this time Jongin’s expression is serious as he gathers her in his arms and says, “I love you, Joonmyun.” Then he’s kissing her and Joonmyun surrenders to his persuasive kisses with a soft, happy sigh.

**Three months later**

Joonmyun exhales in relief; her meeting with the thesis supervisor had gone much better than she’d expected and there are only very minimal rewrites to do. She walks past the sign that says _Electrical Engineering Department_ , her manuscript tucked securely under her arm.

Her long, black hair tumbles down her shoulders and back in relaxed waves and it’s a style that flatters her heart-shaped face. Some days she wears glasses and other days she wears lenses – today just happens to be the latter. She’s wearing white skinny jeans with a wine red brioche knit sweater which clings subtly to her petite frame. Her clothes are more casual than trendy, and that’s just how Joonmyun prefers it. 

“Joonmyun!” A familiar male voice calls out her name from across the corridor and she wrinkles her nose in distaste. She hasn’t heard that voice in four months and she’d just as soon never hear it again. But this is something that needs to be done so she pastes a fake smile on her face before turning on her heel. It would be so much easier to just walk away but that would smell too much like defeat. She doesn’t want Byun Baekhyun to go around with the misconception that he has the ability to upset her – because he honestly doesn’t.

“Baekhyun. Hello.” She checks out his appearance dispassionately and can’t help comparing it unfavourably to a much taller and broader frame, tanned honey skin, a square jaw and sensual lips.

“How have you been, Joonmyun?” His eyes appraise her from head to toe and Joonmyun thinks she sees interested approval in his face.

“Good, I’ve been good,” she nods quietly.

“It must have been three months since I saw you last. You look different - your hair and your clothes. You look fantastic!”

“Thank you.”

“We should catch up soon, Joonmyun. Maybe over some coffee?”

“Ah, thanks for the offer but I've given up coffee. I never liked it much anyway, Baekhyun, which you'd know if you'd ever cared what I thought about anything. I've moved on to tea and I find it suits me much better.”

“But-“

“I’ve got to get going now.” She gives him a jaunty wave and heads confidently towards the main door of the Engineering Building. Picturing Byun Baekhyun spluttering at being blown off, she can barely contain the smirk. She’s almost at the foyer of the building when her phone buzzes: _I’m here, noona :)_

_That brat_ , Joonmyun frowns. When she’d actually wanted him to call her noona in the past, he’d always refused. But now that she no longer wants him to, he calls her noona any chance he gets. Her _handsomest dongsaeng_ , she grins (even handsomer than Song Joongki although she'll never tell him so. His head would swell so big if he ever even suspected).

They’d agreed to meet outside the Engineering building at 3 p.m. and her feet speed up even though it’s only 2.56 p.m. Joonmyun already misses her boyfriend; it’s been seven hours since he nuzzled her neck and gave her a good morning kiss on the cheek. “See you this afternoon, Joonmyun. Love you,” he’d said as he’d tucked the Totoro quilt under her chin before leaving for lectures. 

For all his teasing months ago, Jongin hadn’t made Joonmyun give up her Totoro quilt. In fact he’d bought a king sized one so they wouldn’t have to fight over the covers in the middle of the night. He’d practically moved into her room the night they first kissed (Chanyeol had taken over his old room two weeks later) and Joonmyun thinks he’s the best roommate ever and it’s just a bonus that he never drools on her bolster.

She’s about to walk through the glass door when an arm encircles her waist and pulls her into an affectionate hug. “Jongin!” She laughs as she snuggles into his embrace. She’d expected him to be waiting outside for her but this is so much better, she thinks, as she melts into his arms. 

Jongin likes surprising her and she hopes he never stops …

a/n: This is one of my favorites of the fics I've written and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much I enjoyed writing it. Comments and kudos are very much loved!


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